Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Hearbreak and relief

Well, my heart is breaking a little today.  As stated before, I have not been myself since last Thursday, and this is an OFF week for chemo.  (Which means it's probably not going to get better...)  This entire weekend, I tried to sleep, but no matter how much I slept, it still wasn't enough.  Sunday night, I felt like I was about to pass out the whole night.  Yesterday, Monday, I felt like I was about to pass out all day.  I went in to the hospital to get some fluids.  It helped some, but not enough. This morning, when I got up for work, I felt like I usually do: super sluggish.  However, unlike most mornings, this morning I just layed on the floor in front of the front door.  I wanted to call in and say I couldn't come in, but I knew that I had all the materials: the book, the keys, etc.  I couldn't NOT go in.  In summary, we had to finally make the announcement to the kids about my cancer, and subsequently that I would be taking an extended leave of absence.  I was trying to avoid this as much as possible, not only because of how much I love my kids, but because it was bringing in a good chunk of income.  We can survive without.  It will just be tighter.  And I talked with them (my bosses) before I left, and there is the possibility of me doing some curriculum work for them  (ie: creating some science curriculum).

As sad as I was to give make that announcement though, in some ways it was a bit of a relief.  The teaching part was the part that I loved.  Creating the lesson plans was really stressful though.  It really is a relief to not have to do all that on my down time.  Maybe I'll start hitting the "learning Italian" thing really hard now:)

On a good note, I did something on Sunday that I haven't done in a really long time: I did some photography!  It wiped me out a little, but it was a good kind of wipe out.  It was an "I can't keep my eyes open now, but I'm really, really happy" kind of a feeling.  I took my good friend Jenise out to my favorite shooting spot (White Rock Lake) and did some portraits that I've been wanting to do for a while.  So, here are some shots from the shoot!  (We were only out there for about an hour, so it's not like I went did crazy long shoot) Note: look closely at her glasses in the extreme close up:)  SELF PORTRAIT!








5 comments:

  1. love this (the shots, not the leave of absence)! also love that she's rocking one of my tops ;) i'll be praying for fewer days lying in front of the door.

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  2. Great photos. Call me next time you get that down. If nothing else, we can just pray together. Love you.

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  3. Beautiful shots of a gorgeous gal! Jenise is a beautiful woman inside and out. You did a great job of capturing her outer beauty and a bit of her inner spirit as well.
    I am so sorry to hear about your needing to leave work for now. I know you love it. We'll pray that you are able to return as quickly as possible. The boys and I pray for you every night at bedtime. We love you!
    - Your ever-loving sister Leslie

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  4. Hi Hillary, I am Jenise's sister! You did a wonderful photo shoot and truly captured her expressions and beauty! I have been hearing about you through Jenise and our mom. I will be keeping you in my prayers.

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  5. Yay! I am glad everybody likes them! Nice to meet you Jenise's sister:)

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