Awesome day yesterday

I went to the nutritionist yesterday.  She wasn't nearly as scary as my doctor had said!  She didn't say anything that wasn't just plain common sense, and/or good organic sense.  I got a little insight as to maybe why it seems like my mom and I seem to get every weird ailment out there and people like my dad and husband don't.  She framed it in terms of the body's ability to naturally sift out toxins.  Some people's bodies do it well, others do it poorly.  That makes sense.  Someone like my husband can eat pretty much whatever and his body can pick out the good stuff and toss the rest of the crap.  Me, my body's a hoarder.  It keeps everything, and then lives in it's own toxic cesspool.

It was a really great day yesterday.  I went to work, met mom for lunch while I got an iv saline bag, and then to the appointment.  After the saline bag, I was feeling so chipper and energetic.  It was awesome.  I need days like that to remind myself of reality: the reality that life and the future are not as overwhelming as they feel.  When I feel like I do today, I have to remind myself of days like yesterday.  Otherwise, I would believe all my negative thoughts. 

I felt pretty cruddy today.  I wanted to do so much.  I wanted to clean, and cook, and grocery shop, and do laundry.  I did succeed in cleaning the bedroom and making a birthday card for my in-laws, and that's about it.  The rest of the time I was sitting like a bump on a log thinking of all the things that I should be doing.  It's like the real me was trapped inside my brain going "OK, I'm going to do x, y, and z.  Ready?  1, 2, 3, GO!  Why aren't I going?"

But yesterday was good.  I'll think about yesterday.

Bye bye to comfort food...

Well, it's been almost a week since my first treatment.  Besides the nausea this weekend, I really can't tell if what I'm feeling is from the chemo or from other factors.  For one, it's allergy season and my body goes all wacky, like I have mono, every allergy season.  Also, I probably haven't been eating the way I should.  I have to admit, I've taken some liberties in my diet and have eaten stuff that I've tried to stay away from for quite some time.  I think I kinda threw all the rules aside when I had to go on that liquid diet for a few weeks around surgery time.  I figured, "If I can't have solids, then ice cream is a viable food option again."  This time, my thinking is more along the lines of "Quick!  I've got the nutritionist appointment tomorrow!  Eat it now!"  It's been my own little Mardi-Gras.  (I even had a candy bar today!  Ooooooohhhh!!  I haven't had one in over a year I think.)

I've heard this particular nutritionist described by my oncologist as a "nazi".  Apparently lots of people have had a difficult time following her hard core regime when it comes to what they can or cannot eat.  I'm not particularly good at self control, but I stuck to a restricted diet for three months a little over a year ago.  I figure I might as well give it my best shot for 6 months, even though it might mean resigning myself to some kind of raw carrot puree crap for a while.  (Hence, the candy bar today.) I don't know.  We'll see.  It just seems hard to think of giving up all your "comfort foods" at a time like this.  I mean, if this isn't an excuse to eat whatever the heck you want, I don't know what is!  But I have to keep in mind that it is in my best interest to make my body feel as good as it can.  I'll let you know the "bad news" tomorrow I guess...