Thursday, November 4, 2010

So far so good!

I was really worried about this round since last round was such a beast.  But I am doing much better this time!  Mom's friend told her about this vitamin juice stuff (some sort of Mangosteen) and that he had started taking it and gone off coffee a year ago, and it just made him feel so much better. So of COURSE mom had to get some:)  She gave me some twice yesterday and started making comments on how much more energy I had.  Then when I got up today, she gave me some more.  I don't THINK there's any caffeine in it.  But even if there was, I think I would just feel as crappy as I did before but just awake and jittery.  I am sleepy, I walk like frankenstein because of the muscles in my legs, and I'll have to stop doing tasks because I suddenly lose function in my thumbs or pinkies.  You'd have to see it happen to laugh and realize that it's kinda funny.  It just sounds sad over words on the internet. (Martha, tee hee!) But all in all, doing much better this time.  (knock on wood...) I am not catatonic, I can speak at a semi normal speed.  I am up and about (which I was NOT last time).  So, praises to God all around!  And thank ya'll for praying:)

Oh, and some specific things for prayer: My white blood count is going down, which means my vulnerability to illness is going up.  (ie: immune system starting to tank)  It's not like, crazy bad right now, but low enough for them to have to give me some big fat shot on Friday when I go in to get unhooked.  And apparently the shot is supposed to make me super sore all over, because it is doing something to my bone marrow?  So, let's just ask the Lord is we can keep that to a minimum:)  But even if it isn't.  Even if it is the worst pain than I've ever had, BLESSED be the name of the Lord.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Hearbreak and relief

Well, my heart is breaking a little today.  As stated before, I have not been myself since last Thursday, and this is an OFF week for chemo.  (Which means it's probably not going to get better...)  This entire weekend, I tried to sleep, but no matter how much I slept, it still wasn't enough.  Sunday night, I felt like I was about to pass out the whole night.  Yesterday, Monday, I felt like I was about to pass out all day.  I went in to the hospital to get some fluids.  It helped some, but not enough. This morning, when I got up for work, I felt like I usually do: super sluggish.  However, unlike most mornings, this morning I just layed on the floor in front of the front door.  I wanted to call in and say I couldn't come in, but I knew that I had all the materials: the book, the keys, etc.  I couldn't NOT go in.  In summary, we had to finally make the announcement to the kids about my cancer, and subsequently that I would be taking an extended leave of absence.  I was trying to avoid this as much as possible, not only because of how much I love my kids, but because it was bringing in a good chunk of income.  We can survive without.  It will just be tighter.  And I talked with them (my bosses) before I left, and there is the possibility of me doing some curriculum work for them  (ie: creating some science curriculum).

As sad as I was to give make that announcement though, in some ways it was a bit of a relief.  The teaching part was the part that I loved.  Creating the lesson plans was really stressful though.  It really is a relief to not have to do all that on my down time.  Maybe I'll start hitting the "learning Italian" thing really hard now:)

On a good note, I did something on Sunday that I haven't done in a really long time: I did some photography!  It wiped me out a little, but it was a good kind of wipe out.  It was an "I can't keep my eyes open now, but I'm really, really happy" kind of a feeling.  I took my good friend Jenise out to my favorite shooting spot (White Rock Lake) and did some portraits that I've been wanting to do for a while.  So, here are some shots from the shoot!  (We were only out there for about an hour, so it's not like I went did crazy long shoot) Note: look closely at her glasses in the extreme close up:)  SELF PORTRAIT!