Praise God for answered prayers!!!

HOLY COW!!  I have been praising God to everyone who will listen to me for the last two hours or so.  God is so good!  Prayer request #1 was answered!!!  And it was answered in an even better way than I prayed for!!  When they first hired me, they only really needed me for 2 days a week.  I told the lady that I could do 3, to which she responded with "Great!  We can find stuff for you to do!  Math tutorials, SAT prep... We'll keep you busy!"  The closer it came to school starting the more and more terrified I got because I knew that I was physically incapable of doing 3 days a week.  Two days didn't scare me as badly.  I felt pretty comfortable committing to 2 days, but not 3.  But now I was in the awkward position of telling my boss "Hey! Remember that whole cancer and chemo thing?  Well, I don't think I'm fully over it.  In fact, I'm so tired that 3 measly days a week is too much."  Yeah... that's not the way you want to start out a job.  So, as I mentioned yesterday about prayer, I wanted to be able to go down to 2 days, and I wanted HER to bring it up.  I thought maybe it could be like budget cuts or something.  I knew the talk would be awkward for them to have, but I didn't care.  I'd pretend to be bummed, all the while rejoicing on the inside. 

But God answered it even BETTER than that!  NOBODY had to bring it up!  We discussed my schedule, and pretty much everything fell on 2 days as expected.  And before we could really talk about the 3rd day, I just said "Yeah!  Tuesday and Wednesdays sound great, with the occasional Friday if the kids are behind." So, occasionally I'll have a 2 and a half day week.  But it's only on an "as needed" basis.  I feel so relieved.  SOOOO relieved!  And nobody had to have an awkward conversation.  It all just worked itself out.  I am on cloud 9, and actually looking forward to teaching again, instead of dreading it.  God is so good.  And so specific!  And He does it even BETTER than we ask for.

Low blood, no chemo, yay crutches...

Well, it's been an interesting week.  It was nice having John home so much.  4 snow days in a row!! Crazy!  I was having some pretty serious trouble with nose bleeds.  (is that one word?  Nosebleed?)  I've never really had them before, but I just couldn't get it to stop!  I called my doctor, but I don't think she really understood how much blood I was talking about.  Needless to say, I was feeling pretty weak.  I really wanted to get my blood levels checked to see how much I had lost, but I couldn't really get around in the snow and ice (especially not all the way over to Plano).  So, I just waited till today when I was going in to get fluids.  As expected, it was low.  Apparently I lost like 2-3 pints!  Crazy!  (still not as low as when I had the big fat tumor though!) I was expecting maybe a pint, pint and a half.  My platelets were also around half of what they should be.  (The nurse said she'd seen much lower, so that's good.  Well, I guess not good for that person, but good that I'm not horrifically low.) Dr Lee said that was probably why clotting was a problem, since platelets are involved in the body's clotting response, and that's why I couldn't get it to stop.  So, I guess with the numbers so low, at least I don't feel like I am just a wimp for being so tired!!  I showed the nurse some of my lovely pictures of how much blood I was losing.  I felt very reassured to hear that she had seen similar before.  As long as somebody tells me that it's normal, I'm happy.  So, anyways there is a certain level of blood and blood platelets that you have to have in order to be consider "healthy" enough to do chemo, and unfortunately I don't make the cut this week:(  I'll have to wait till next week which doesn't thrill me because that means that chemo will trickle over into beginning of April.  It really is amazing though that it's taken me this long to get to that point!  I know of lots of people who have had this problem way earlier on in their treatments, so I still consider myself lucky. 

Oh!  Ha!!  And the really funny thing is that I woke up this morning with my achilles all swollen, so I'm back on the crutches again.  I'm such a pathetic mess!!  Poor John... as if he didn't have enough to help me with:)  It's been about a year since my last crutches time, so I guess I'm pretty happy with that gap!  About a year ago, I was on them every 2 months like clockwork for an entire year.  I thought that I had beaten the mighty achilles, but alas...  I consider it to be proof that my body is getting old, when you start having old injuries flare up with weather changes.  A year ago, I was pretty proud that I could actually predict when they (weather changes) were coming!  Haha! I became staunchly aware of how much upper body strength I have lost since I stopped working out.  Maybe this'll help?

Some really awesome news is that I have had a much easier time praying and reading lately.  That has made a world of difference!  Thank you for all of you who have been fighting my spiritual battles with/for me though prayer.  It really makes a difference.  It is amazing to see how God works whenever I post something on here.  Here's a verse that really spoke to me this week:

 ¹⁹For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. ²⁰And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. ²¹And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. (Isaiah 30:19-21)

 Amen!!

My friend Jenise also went to the library and checked me out the first Harry Potter book!  It's right about the level I can handle right now.  I still have to nap a little every couple of chapters, but it's nice to have something besides the spider solitaire on my phone to occupy my mind.  So, I guess that's the update for today!

If I were to ask for prayer, it would be that God would continue to transform me from the inside out and teach me more about who He is.  Pray that my blood numbers would get up.  Pray that I would exercise more self control with complaining.  (I'm starting to get a bit whiny around John ever since I started going downhill.  It drains him because he says it makes him feel so powerless.) Please pray for my poor John.  I am starting to see all this taking a toll on him and he is SUCH an amazing servant of a husband.  He never complains about all the meals in bed, or times when I can't do stuff for myself.  AND he's doing all of this while working 2 jobs and studying for his PhD comprehensive exams.  He is such a mighty man.  I am in awe.  But he could really use some encouragement and energy.  I think I might try out a cancer support group tomorrow night.  It is kinda cool because they have 2 groups always meeting at the same time: one for the cancer patients, and one for the friends and family of the cancer patients.  I don't know if it'll help, but it's worth a shot.  It would be nice to meet other people to bounce "Is this normal?  Is that normal?  Have you had this?" kinds of questions off of.  That's all for now!  As always, thank you so much for all your support and prayer. 

Feeling great today!!! And exciting news!!

I am feeling so great today!  I am NOT going to do what I did last time I felt great, which was run a ton of errands and help clean the whole house.  That caused a tanking of massive proportions from that day till today.  I'm not sure what I'll do with this new found energy.   Hopefully something productive while still relaxing.  (working on my Italian?  Binding a book?  Making some cards? ie: something productive but relaxing)

This has been a long time coming.  I've been in bed most everyday for most of the day hardly able to get up.  (But not nauseous!) I've had a gnarly sinus infection that made the whole right half of my face hurt, including my teeth (not fun).  But today!  Oh blessed today!  I woke up feeling pretty good!  AND!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (here is my big news that I'm so excited about)

One of my good friends, Rachel from Santa Barbara, texted me to see how I was doing.  We chatted for a while, and then suddenly she had an idea.  "Hillary!!  I'm going to New York to celebrate my 30th birthday from May 22-29!  All free lodging Hilton, Waldors Astoria, and Millenium Hilton!  Wanna? Wanna?!!"  Holy Cow!!!  Yes!!  Yes I would love to go to New York City with you and stay in a bunch of fancy hotels for free!!  (Just the hotels free.  Not the whole trip free).  It can't come at a better time!  That will be right at 2 months post chemo (so I should be back on my feet, I think?)  And her birthday and mine are 1 day apart (She's June 1 and I'm June 2) So it will be like a trip for BOTH of our birthdays!!  And it'll either fall on the week that John'll be gone for his high school senior trip, or it'll just give him a whole week to really work on his comps that he'll be taking at the beginning of June.

I am so excited!  This really gives me something to look forward to, and something to plan.  We are even going to see if we can get some SNL tickets!!!

OK!  I'm off to research all the possibilities!

(By the way, this is me looking REALLY excited!!)

A raindown of blessings!

Well, it's been a very eventful week.  So, here are more of the details.  Like I said, the PET scan came up clear.  I feel so relieved.  I feel like I can sorta sit back for the rest of chemo and believe that anything else weird that I'm feeling really is just side effects of the chemo.  If it were still growing during the chemo, it would've showed up I think by now.  So, alllll is well.

The second good thing was that a huge burst cyst showed up.  Apparently it was too soon to show up in the CAT scan when I taken into the emergency room a few weeks ago.  I was really weirded out when they had "concluded" that it was just a side effect of the chemo.  I was terrified to go into chemo this week out of fear that it would happen again.  But, not only was it a burst cyst, but a really big one.  According to all the nurses, burst cysts are known to hurt like a... well I won't use the word that they used:)  Anyway, I feel a bit validated.  They are sending me to a ob-gen, to check it out and make sure there aren't more.  If there are, there really isn't anything they can do about it.  I'll just know that if it happens again, I won't have to freak out and think that I'm dying.

So, those were two blessings.  The second thing is in regards to finances.  I have heard of stuff like this happening to other people, but I haven't ever experienced it myself.  So, here goes: On Saturday night John and I rolled down the window of the PT and when we tried to roll it back up, it wouldn't go.  John took it into the shop, and it was going to cost about 300 bucks to get it repaired, because the part was so expensive.  The next day, the check engine light came on in the Honda.  John called to tell me that it was a bunch of repairs that were needed every 90,000 miles or so.  It was going to cost about 1,000 bucks.  This was going to be a pretty big hit for us, especially with me not working.  It wasn't going to totally tank us, but it was going to be a burden, especially around Christmas.  Anyways, here's where it gets pretty cool.  John gave two lectures at a recent conference, each of which paid about $90.  The school decided to match what he got.  So, that brought in an extra $360.  THEN!!!  John just called me today to tell me that he had gotten another "gift" from the school: $1000!!!  It was a $1,000 benevolence check.  It is amazing.  It covers the cost of all the car stuff practically down to the dollar. I've only heard of this kind of stuff happening to other people, but not us.  God really provided for us.  He is not giving us more than our "daily bread", but he IS giving us our daily bread.  Whenever we have some extra cost pop up, suddenly we get random money from somewhere.  I feel grace upon grace being showered upon us in this time.

So, that's the awesome news for now! 

Great day!!

So, I know the last few posts were kinda scary.  The last few days were kinda scary.  But as scary as they were, the clouds parted, and I'm having the best "after-chemo days" that I've had so far!  I was able to go back to our apartment earlier than usual.  I even went and did a service project with my church today at a place called "Exodus Ministries".  It was a lot of fun, mainly because I was with people that I love! (Jenise, Kendra, John C.)

On Wednesday, when I went in for chemo, I also met with my doctor.  Unfortunately, she affirmed all the research I had done: this type of cancer is known to be resistant to chemo, and yes it has been known to even grow or spread during chemo.  Yuck...  She didn't belittle me at all when I requested another PET scan.  She said that she would have to work it out with insurance, but if it would give me peace of mind, then it was important.  It will.  I might be being silly, but I don't care.  My body is acting the same way it did before, when I ignored it.  I just want to play it safe.  So, the PET scan is scheduled for Tuesday at 8:00 in the morning.  I am really not sweatin' it too much.  I fully expect for it to come back clean like it did before.  However, I am fully at peace if it does not.  Just rollin' with the punches:)

When I went to get unhooked on Friday, they gave me that shot again, the one that is supposed to make your bones hurt and give you flu like symptoms.  However, so far I haven't had much!  Just like last time!  I am feeling a couple of things (jaw's a little sore, body's a little achy), so it is slightly noticeable,  but not much.  I am super blessed because I have heard from so many people that have had uber bad experiences with this shot.   The only real side effects that I have are still from the oxaliplatin,  and they are all kinda funny ones - the muscle cramping (well, that one is less funny when it's in my calves and John has to carry me... like Friday).  But it's just kinda funny when it is in my thumbs. Then, I have that really strong pins and needles tingling sensation in my hands and feet, like the feeling you get when you have a body part that has gone to sleep.  That pretty much just makes me laugh though because, well, it feels funny:)  I can't remember if I've already written about these...  I think I said something in an earlier post...   Really, in summary, out of all the side effects that I could have, I think I have the best ones.  They aren't unbearable in the slightest.  I feel so blessed that I have not had the nausea.  I think there are a LOT of you out there praying against the nausea, and I've gotta tell you that I feel your prayers.  I feel them every time when I know I should be getting super nauseous, or I'm afraid that I will, and I don't.  That was my biggest fear starting out.

I've also heard from mom that some of you are memorizing Psalm 25 with us.  That is so cool!  It's like we are all connected now:)  Will, super excited about you and the other post men!  That's so fun:)  I love you all!  Time for bed...

Harry Potter was awesome!!

Last night was sooo awesome! On the tickets that we printed out, it said to get there early because the theater was overbooked to account for no-shows.  John and I left in what we thought was plenty of time, and it just took sooooo much longer to get there than we thought.  I was so scared that we would get there and they would be full up and turning us away.  I was thinking "What a horrible story that would make!"  So, I started praying (again!) that God would let us get there in plenty of time and get good seats.  I was calling the theater to see how many people were already there, and they told me that a pretty sizable crowd had already gotten there, but they weren't full quite yet.  I was dying!!!  So, we got there (still 30 minutes early) and I had John drop me off at the front and SPRINTED inside!  Obviously (from the title) we got there in time.  But that isn't the coolest part!  When I went into the theater, it was pretty much full except for seats at the very, very front (where you get neck problems) and some on the far, far side.  I decided to go searching anyway.  I kept seeing seats, but they all had jackets across them, or purses.  I kept walking up, and I saw 2 seats, but one had a purse in it.  For some reason, on this particular seat, I decided to ask "Is that seat taken?" The girl next to the purse was like "OH!  No, that's my purse."  The seats were up about 4-5 rows from the top, and pretty close to the middle.  They were AWESOME seats!  After sitting there for a while, I started to chat with them.  I asked what time they had gotten there, thinking probably like 5:30 or something crazy like that.  Nope. 3:00!!!!!!  They had been there since 3:00!!  We got seats so good, that the people next to us had been there since 3!  Apparently people had started lining up at 8:00 that morning.  (Nerds...)  So, God was not just good getting us the tickets.  It was like He had actually saved us awesome seats! 

I won't give away too many details so I don't  become a "spoiler" site:)  I CAN say, "Pay attention!".  There is so much story packed in there, that I want to see it multiple times.  The one thing I'll never understand though is why Hermione likes Ron and not Harry.  I know it's in the books and all, but I wish they would give Hermione and Ron a few more attraction/tense scenes where you can feel the chemistry and stuff.  As it is, it seems like there is always that unspoken chemistry between her and Harry.  Of course, now I'm starting to sound like a total nerd, so I'll stop:)  It was such an awesome night though!  I was so excited yesterday, that it gave me a burst of energy and I cleaned and did laundry!  Of course, I crashed about an hour before the movie started and was about to fall asleep for the rest of the night.  But I still had a huge goofy grin on my face until I layed down to go to bed!  Thank you again Michelle!  It was a "magical" night:)

Michelle Agonafer I love you!!!!!

I can't believe it!  I am so excited!!!  A friend from John's and my old church entered my story into a contest for an advanced screening of Harry Potter and WON ME TICKETS!!!!!!!!  I am so excited!  I almost feel like I should dress up... Thank you so much Michelle!!!!!!!  (And thank you Jesus. I'm pretty sure you had a hand in this:)

Here's her essay:  (the topic was supposed to be "Who is your favorite Harry Potter character and why")
 I am going to tell you up front, that if I win tickets to this advance showing, it is not for me, but for a friend who I don't really know all thatwell. First: My character preference: I am sure that most girls would say that Hermione is their favorite character. I am not one to argue, I love Hermione. Though she has her weaknesses, mostly in the form of pride and arrogance, her strengths lie in her loyalty and determination to do the right thing. Not many times do you find someone so determined to be excellent, who is yet so willing to betray and possibly lose scholastic standing, all for the sake of doing what she thinks is right, be it helping out bumbling Hagrid, or sneaking out in an invisibility cloak with her best friends. I really identify with the fact that she is a half-muggle, being a half-breed myself. Constantly feeling the need to prove myself "hispanic enough" or "white enough" depending on the circumstance, and always falling short is very frustrating. I love the fact that the BEST in class at Hogwarts is not a part of the good ol' boy club, but instead a headstrong, halfbreed with a messy head of hair and a penchant for trouble.
 Now that I've told you why I love Hermione, I would like to recommend that you give the tickets to a girl who is named Hillary Morgan Ferrer. She reminds me of Hermione in a lot of ways, she is intelligent, well spoken and very strong. You see, right now she is battling cancer. I am friends with her on Facebook and she mentioned entering a contest, and really hoping she wins, because this week is a chemo week and she won't be able to go again till next week. This really touched me, such a simple lamentation, not being able to go to a movie, while she is in the fight for her life. It is in this http://www.hillary2point0.blogspot.com/ blogpost that she talks about it. I can tell you that she is a young woman, a friend, and a great wife. I don't know if this is the contest she talked about entering, but if it is, please give her tickets. If she didn't please give them to me and I will pass them onto her, or give you her info so you can give them to her yourself. It would mean so much more than a movie, it would be an answer to a small prayer. Thanks so much for your understanding, and I really hope she wins!

 Sincerely,
Michelle Agonafer

I am totally crying.  I feel so blessed, and so loved.

No bone pain!

I am very pleased to announce (hopefully not too soon, knock on wood) that I have NOT had any bone pain from the latest shot!  My energy levels have been going up and down depending on how many doses of meds I need for the muscle spasms and other assorted pain.  (I have some random back spasms that  I think are probably from a night of sleeping wrong, probably needing chiropractor work,  because they don't feel like the other spasms in the rest of my body.  Hopefully I can get that taken care of sometime this week, if it doesn't go away on it's own.)  SO!  Thank you you all who have been praying for me.  I was a little nervous about the effects of the shot.  And for all of those who are praying for the nausea, as of today I have only "gotten sick" twice from the chemo, which is a miracle for someone with such a sensitive stomach as I.

I am finally allowing myself to relax for the first time in who knows how long.  Since I do not have to worry about work, and lessons, and deadlines, I feel free to be sick for the first time.  That sounds like a crappy kind of "freedom" I know, but for those of you who know me well, that is actually a pretty liberating milestone for me.  There is much sleep taking place, and without guilt.  I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before the restlessness really kicks in, so I am already preparing for a myriad of productive ways to occupy my time that do not involve deadlines or necessity.  (I'm thinking about trying to organize and album the 10 billion pictures I have in our storage unit.)

However, one of the things I am currently doing (as of last night) is helping John with his research.  He submitted an article to a journal/magazine that was meant to be a mere "opinion" piece (ie: research based, but without all the fancy citations and much shorter than an actual article)  However, they liked it so much that they requested that he turn it in to a full blow article for their publication.  I am helping him out by collecting specific sources for each of the claims that he is making in the piece.  I could really see this as something that I might want to do in the future.  I may not be a good "helpmate" in terms of cooking and cleaning.  But by golly, I can research with the best of them!

And last, but no least, I just want to give a shout out to the Kingston's.  Anne, I have really enjoyed getting your letters.  Jack, I loved hearing first hand about the work that you are doing in Washington and abroad.  Congratulations on your re-election!

So far so good!

I was really worried about this round since last round was such a beast.  But I am doing much better this time!  Mom's friend told her about this vitamin juice stuff (some sort of Mangosteen) and that he had started taking it and gone off coffee a year ago, and it just made him feel so much better. So of COURSE mom had to get some:)  She gave me some twice yesterday and started making comments on how much more energy I had.  Then when I got up today, she gave me some more.  I don't THINK there's any caffeine in it.  But even if there was, I think I would just feel as crappy as I did before but just awake and jittery.  I am sleepy, I walk like frankenstein because of the muscles in my legs, and I'll have to stop doing tasks because I suddenly lose function in my thumbs or pinkies.  You'd have to see it happen to laugh and realize that it's kinda funny.  It just sounds sad over words on the internet. (Martha, tee hee!) But all in all, doing much better this time.  (knock on wood...) I am not catatonic, I can speak at a semi normal speed.  I am up and about (which I was NOT last time).  So, praises to God all around!  And thank ya'll for praying:)

Oh, and some specific things for prayer: My white blood count is going down, which means my vulnerability to illness is going up.  (ie: immune system starting to tank)  It's not like, crazy bad right now, but low enough for them to have to give me some big fat shot on Friday when I go in to get unhooked.  And apparently the shot is supposed to make me super sore all over, because it is doing something to my bone marrow?  So, let's just ask the Lord is we can keep that to a minimum:)  But even if it isn't.  Even if it is the worst pain than I've ever had, BLESSED be the name of the Lord.

Awesome weekend

I am wrapping up one terrific weekend.  I watched a movie and talked late into the night with one of my best friends Friday night, had a nice walk feeding some ducks with a girlfriend Saturday afternoon, went to her dinner and birthday party that night, and had lunch with some people after church today.  (And then promptly took a much needed nice long nap upon returning home!) I feel super blessed that I felt as good as I did.  I was able to spend a lot of time with friends this weekend, before having my next round of chemo.  I think that being around people helps a whole lot.  When I am wrapped up in talking with them, I don't feel my body as much.  I go back in on Wednesday for another round, and I'll go to my parents place for the next several days while I'm hooked up.  I gotta admit, I am really not looking forward to it.  (Duh, right?)  I don't know if this is true or not, but I am expecting the nausea to get worse and worse each round.  Last time, I didn't feel OK until Sunday, late afternoon.  If I go any longer than that with the nausea, I'll have to miss school, which I don't want to do.  Please pray that the nausea and sickness/exhaustion will go away in time for me to be back at work on Monday.

Work, and an attitude adjustment

I don’t think I’ve had the best attitude about work these last few weeks.  I have felt so tired, somewhat defeated, and just… lazy.  Well, I call it lazy.  My family and doctors refers to it as “normal” or something crazy like that.  When my body feels sick, the whole world takes on this shadow of doom: everything is overwhelming, and everything seems to be an impossible task that I can only surmount by practically killing myself.  At least that is how it feels.  The future, even if it’s just 2 hours of work the next day, feels impossible, and I have dreaded it.  My attitude was along the lines of “I can’t wait to have an excuse to take extended leave”.  What a cop out!  It’s like I wasn’t even planning to fight.  I was just resigned to feeling like crap.  It was just a fact of the matter, a decided fate. 

But I feel like I have turned a corner today.  I realized something.  No, I take that back.  I remembered something today.  I really do love what I do.  I do.  I legitimately like my kids.  I can’t share too much about my students, for privacy sake, but I’ll share a little.  I have this one boy whom I suspect has had it drilled into him that he is stupid, stupid, stupid.  Every question I ask, he’ll start to say something and then stop himself and mutter “No, that’s probably wrong.”  A good amount of the time he isn’t wrong.  He just expects that he will be.  If he does give a wrong answer, or if he is just drawing a blank, he sits there and verbally says “Gosh!  I’m so stupid!” and other degrading comments about himself.  You don’t get that way on your own.  Someone has to have “encouraged” you to think that way about yourself.  I get to be that other voice.  (Well, I and the other teachers of course)  Every time he thinks that he’s wrong, but is actually right, I get to remind him that he needs to trust his brain, because it is a good brain.  I get to tell him how capable he is, because he really does have a good head on his shoulders.  What will I do if I don’t get to be the one telling him that week after week?  I’ll crumble on the inside.  I live for, and I love, being that person in his life.  And not just him, but the rest of the guys as well.  I have another kid that I’ve just recently discovered mainly thinks in pictures.  He isn’t autistic or anything like that, but he just has this mental block when it come to big science words.  We are now going through his Biology 2, taking notes via pictures (not an easy task).  We are going at like, a quarter of the speed that we technically should, but that is why this school is so amazing.  I have the freedom to do what’s best for the student, and ensure that he is learning, and not just shrugging my shoulders, and compromising the process to ensure that I can pass him along.  He is a challenge, and I love reveling in the fact that I don’t have to deal with someone else’s timeline.  I can do what is best for him. 

For the first time since my diagnosis, I have felt the fight welling up inside me.  Everyone kept telling me what a fighter I was, but I didn’t agree.  I felt pretty resigned.  But I’m not anymore, or at least not today.  I want to fight.  I have the best excuse in the world to take time off, and I don’t want to anymore.  I had pretty much closed my eyes, and prepared myself to take the punches, and merely endure.  But I think I’ve changed my mind.  I think I might want to swing back.  I might end up going down in the end (as in having to take a leave), but I don’t think I’ll go down without a fight anymore.  It was a good day. 

Thank you

To all of you who prayed for me after I expressed on Sunday that my port was hurting pretty bad, I thank you.  I felt your prayers.  I was really uncomfortable and unable to move my arm on Sunday.  I put out the word, and Monday I woke up, and suddenly could move my arm!  It was still a little uncomfortable, but it healed more overnight than it had the previous 4 days combined!

In more ways than that, I feel very blessed.  My family is so amazing in how they have all rallied around me to let me know that I am not alone, and will not have to go through this alone.  My church has offered food, house cleaning, rides, anything I or John might need throughout all of this.  I have friends that have offered me their blood.  Their blood!  I have received so much support from people I don't even know, and I want you to know that every email, every voicemail, comment on facebook or here, it makes me smile and it makes me feel very loved and supported.  My head is still swimming, so I rarely even get to respond to them, but they are received and I tuck them away inside for the bad days when I feel awful.

I do though; I feel blessed.  I feel blessed that even though the cancer was so much bigger than a regular adenocarcinoma, it hadn't spread yet.  I feel blessed because my work is so willing to rearrange schedule after schedule to accommodate me and my health.  I feel blessed that, although the "power port" was not fun to install, it will keep me from having to get IV's every week.  And lastly, and least importantly I feel blessed that the lady at CVS gave me the least painful (flu) shot that I have ever had in my life.  In and out, no pain.  Ha!  It really is the little things (and I was just really tired of being stuck, so it was a stupid little blessing, but a huge blessing at the same time).

It's funny how sometimes it takes a really sucky situation to make you more thankful than you were before.  Even before all this happened, that is one area that I knew I needed to improve on.  (just ask John!)  I am by nature a problem solver, which can be a great thing.  The unseen evil that goes along with that is that you see every little problem.  (After all, how could a problem solver fix problems unless they can see them?) It is nice to have something big that eclipses all the other little annoyances for a change.  So that is already one thing I feel like I will be taking away from this.  Again though, as I've told many of you, I expect that my attitude will completely change once chemo starts and I feel like vomiting constantly.  But that is where the rubber meets the road I guess.  These few weeks before chemo, these are the "learning lesson" times.  The days after chemo, those are the "practicing the lesson" times.  Ewwww.  Not fun.  Necessary, but not fun.  I apologize in advance.  Please remember me like this when I becoming the sniveling whiney machine.

Update: PET SCAN CLEAR!!!! Chemo plans...

Wooohoooo!  The PET scan was clear!  This was so huge!  Now that it's clear, I'll explain why it was such a big deal.  I didn't want to freak anyone out before, but if they had found anything anywhere else, it would have put me immediately into the stage 4 category with a 95% mortality rate within a year.  I didn't want to freak anyone out unnecessarily. But we are good! 

From here, I am waiting to hear back about installing the port.  Apparently, the port is something that they install under the skin that will just feel like a bump.  It's kinda like a permanent IV hole, but the skin actually grows over it.  The only stick I'll have during chemo is to puncture the skin covering the port.  But that's not bad.  It's not like having to dig for a vein that may or may not roll.  The port is installed via an outpatient surgery-like procedure.  On the up side, they do put you under, so I'll be out when they install it.  On the down side, I am already taking quite a beating recovering from this last surgery's anesthesia.  But this one should be much less gnarly since I'll only be out for about an hour, and not multiple hours, like the small intestine resectioning.

The nurse said that they were going to try to schedule for this Friday to do that, but might have to do it next week.   Chemo, as of now, is scheduled to start on September 29th.  It will consist of a 2 day process that I will do every other week.  First, I'll go into the cancer center at Plano Presbyterian hospital.  I'll always see my oncologist (Dr. Le) first.  Then, they'll hook up my port to one type of chemo and let it run for around 2 hours.  Then, they'll unhook that one and hook me up to another one for about an hour, hour and a half.  Then, they give me the third one, which I actually take home with me.  I'll get to sport a sweet little fanny pack for 46 hours, and then come back into the office to have it disconnected.  John's excited about decorating it.  I'm a little more skeptical as to the extent we can make it fashionable.  But maybe I could sew a couple of little cover bags to match various outfits.  We'll see.

Dr. Le is a bit worried about how my body will respond to the chemotherapy.  She is sensing (rightfully) that my body is much more sensitive than most.  That, and apparently thinner people have a harder time.  Since I just dropped below 100 lbs, she is expecting that I may have a bit harder time with the chemo.  She is prescribing me some mega-anti-nausea meds, so I am thankful for that.  She is really a sweet, caring doctor.  I like her.  Also, she presented that paper on my case at the conference, where the 8 other doctors looked in depth at my case.  They were all in agreement as to both the diagnosis, as well as the course of treatment, so I feel confident that we are doing the right thing. 

Some of the side effects that she expects will be nausea (of course) as well as a fairly severe cold insensitivity.  As she described it, I won't be able to drink cold beverages as it will "feel like you are swallowing glass shards".  Appetizing... I won't be able to reach into a freezer even at the grocery store!  So weird... But, we'll see what else pops up.  I hope that I don't psych myself into having some plethora of psychosomatic symptoms stemming from my own expectations of it being really gnarly.  My mind is excellent at wreaking havoc like that.

Anyways, that is the main update for now.  There was a whole lot more information, but this is long enough.  OH!  One more thing.  Apparently my "uncommon" form of cancer is SO "uncommon", that it is not even listed in the national registry of cancers.  They list like, everything, and mine is so uncommon that it didn't even make the list!  I knew I was special...