A little more energy

Even though chemo was canceled, I ended up staying at my parents anyways.  I was so weak, and then with the whole crutches thing on top of it, I really didn't want to be alone.  I found that when I went there, I perked up a whole lot.  The first day or two I slept most of the day, but then Thursday and Friday, I was actually up and interacting!  Part of me wonders if some of my weakness was just from being alone most of the day, everyday, for like 2 weeks.  I am an extrovert.  Having other people around energizes me.  John came up and got me last night since he's home on the weekends.  I am walking much better now.  I still have the boot on, but at least I don't need to use the crutches anymore.  That is just a pain.

I woke up this morning at around 6, which is really unusual for me.  I tried to just sleep through anyways, but then Petunia had one of her little "bunny nightmares" that she has occasionally.  She thumps REALLY loud.  It sounds like a gunshot.  It's a bunny strategy to warn other bunnies of danger, and John and I finally figured out that she does this when she has had a bad dream.  Like all kids, she just needs me to go sit with her for a second, remind her that she's a safe bunny and that mommy's here, and then she goes right back to sleep.  If you don't, she'll keep thumping.  So, needless to say that cemented the "awakeness" on my part.  So, I'm sitting here with Lula in my lap trying to get sleepy again.

I think I might have a really good weekend!  I feel better than I have in a while (which probably means my blood is up!)  I always overdo it though when I feel better, and I always overdo it on SATURDAY and then wake up knowing that I don't feel well enough to go to church.  NOT this time!  I will bide my time and stay chill today, and finally get to go to church again!  I feel so out of the loop.

And another shout out to my love Laura!  I got a pink package in the mail from Victoria's Secret with a card that said "For doing nothing "in style" - Laura".  Inside was a set of leopard print pajamas with pink around the edges, another pink dress style pajama, and a grey robe/sweater thing.  Oh!  And matching leopard slippers:)  I'm sure John will be glad to see me out of ratty t-shirts and my sweatpants for a change.  Do I have the greatest friends or what? 

So sorry it's been so long!!!

Wow.  When was my last post??  It's been... well I don't know if I can even call it busy or full... couple of weeks.  Much of my time since my last post has been exactly how the last post sounded: I was not "bouncing back".  But I'll talk about that in a bit.  I'll share first about good things, like my Christmas and New Years!

One of my favorite people, my uncle Graham, flew down to be with us for Christmas and it was epic:)  This Christmas was the first time John and I have actually BEEN with people.  Usually, as per Morgan family tradition, Thanksgiving is Morgan time and Christmas is all the various in-law's time.  However, my "in-laws" (John's family) all work on Christmas.  (They are so awesome.  My mother-in-law is a nurse, and she chooses to work all the major holidays to give the younger staff with young children a chance to be with their families.  Isn't she awesome?) So John and I usually fly to South Carolina just after Christmas.  Well, since I can't travel this year, Mom and Dad decided to not travel to Colorado to be with my sister and her boys.  I feel very loved.  Ergo, John's and my FIRST Christmas not alone!  I was able to delay chemo during the Christmas week, and pick it back up on Monday.  (this last monday)

I have been up and down.  I have definitely had a lot more exhaustion than in previous times, and unfortunately some nausea (but not really bad nausea.  A very manageable amount of nausea.).  A lady sitting across from me at chemo this week said that during her first trip through chemotherapy (this is her second time through), was like "a walk in the park" for the first half, and then BOOM!  Somewhere around the 6th round it nailed her.  So, it seems I'm somewhat par for the course:)  Another lady I talked to weeks ago had had a horrible time the whole way through and just wanted to positively die from nausea (until she discovered acupuncture).  So, I know my journey has been a very blessed one!

Yesterday, new year's eve (am I supposed to capitalize that?) I made sure to take lots of naps, and take my vitamins late in the day, in an attempt to make sure that I could stay up till midnight and be somewhat energetic doing so.  So, when I got there, I also had a coke, to help ensure it.  BOY DID IT EVER!  Yup.  I was awake till midnight!  And 1... and 2... all the way till 5 in the morning!  (I was not OUT till 5, I was just awake till 5.  I got home at a very respectable time for new years eve standards).  A bunch of friends and I had a small little shin-dig at a friends house.  It was awesome.  It was lovely to be with a bunch of people that I know and loved, and not a bunch of strangers hoping to not go home alone.  Ewwww.... We ate, we played games, we danced, we made s'mores!  It was wonderful.  Here's a pic of some of my favorite girls (minus Jenise of course, who is in Michigan.  Damn Yankee...)

While I'm at it, I'll add some pics of the tacky sweater party John and I went to at our church.  Warning: some images will be very disturbing! (namely the ones of John)

Well, I need to go cheer on my Frogs in the Rose Bowl, but I'll post more later!

Not bouncing back

So, this is the first time that I have really, really not bounced back after chemo.  I'm doing what I normally do: taking my vitamins, getting lots of rest... But it is not working.  I don't know if my body is just getting weaker, or if it is this sorta cold thing that I maybe got from John.  It doesn't seem like a full blown cold.  It's just sorta a stuffy, sniffly ick that is hovering on the brink of actual illness.  Translation: I feel pretty crappy, but not crappy enough for my body to give me a break and just let me sleep it off.  I can't nap, and if I do, then I can't sleep at night (like last night).  And I can't do anything else, because I feel like I'm about to get really sick at any moment.  Is this normal?  Is this the normal progression from being on chemo?  I feel really lucky so far.  I haven't had a very bad time with it at all, so I guess it's high time I  started to plummet.  I'm just wondering if it is just going to keep going down from here on.  I supposed this is just fruitless speculation.  My body's going to do what it's going to do...  All things considered, I'm doing waaaaaay better than we had originally thought I would.

I have a friend of mine, Abby, taking me to a cancer support new members meeting tonight.  It is formally "Gilda's Club" (as in Gilda Radner) but is now called "Cancer Support  Centers of America" I think.  Apparently they are really good, and have a lot of great, free support services.  I guess if nothing else, I can ask people about what "normal" is.  Part of me feels that twinge of pride that says "I don't need any more "support".  I've got plenty of support!  "Support groups" are for for people who don't have any real friends, or family around".  My suspicion is that I will eat my words in the future.  We will see.  Sometimes you don't realize what you need enough to verbalize it.  I suppose it couldn't hurt.  After 2-3 people recommending I find one, (a support group), I suppose I'll give all the 3rd party observers a little credit for maybe seeing something in me that I don't.  Although, I suppose I am seeing it a bit right now.  I am pretty disheartened at how weak I feel.  I've been expecting it, but it is still a bit depressing actually feeling it.  I'll let you know how it goes.

On the pleasant side, after I get done with the meeting tonight, my upstairs neighbor (Tara) is cooking and we're going to have dinner together:)  John is finishing up with his last class of the semester, so he'll probably be up at TCC till midnight grading, and then he'll be done for the semester!  Lula is the greatest little cat ever.  God brought her at the exact perfect time.  Here she is, playing in a gift bag that we had already opened.  (It's the little things, am I right?!?!) The random "voice over" is John telling me about how some company is sending him ads for $1000 dollar watches, and we are laughing at how wrong, wrong, wrong they got their "target audience".  (ie: us)  It has nothing to do with Lula, but he didn't know I was filming, so it's on there:)

P.S. after viewing my video here, I am reminded to always shoot horizontally.  HORIZONTALLY moron!  Enjoy my tall skinny video!

P.P.S. Although, in my defense, I am posting a VIDEO!  I'm feeling pretty friggin' technologically saavy right now:)

Energy

I feel a little bad not updating more, but I don't have anything really exciting to report.  So, I'll just tell you how I'm doing:)  I've had more weakness after this round of chemo than I had previously.  I think I mentioned, I was all but catatonic the day I had the chemo thing strapped to me.  I was slowly gaining energy, and then I kinda tanked on Sunday again.  I thought I was feeling better, but then when John came to get me, he practically had to carry me out of the house.  We were supposed to pick up my car from the hospital, but there was no way that was going to happen.  We had some really awesome friends (thank you Victor and Shakiba!) who drove all the way over to the hospital, picked up my car, and then drove it back to our apartment.  Then, I had another friend, the girl that lives upstairs in our apartment building (Love you Tara!) actually baked me a huge gluten-free lasagna!  So awesome.  It has kept me fed all week so far.  The idea of cooking is just so exhausting to me.  I understand now why everybody and their dog makes food for people who are going through a death in family, or have had some accident or illness.  Food REALLY is the last thing you want to have to think about. 

Even though I felt as weak as I did, I still felt pretty sure that I could go to work on Monday.  After all, it was only for 2 hours.  I can muster energy for 2 hours.   I find that when I am at school (or around any number of people for that matter), I feel more energized.  That's the full on extrovert in me talking:)  It's like I have some sort of adrenaline rush (I don't know what else to call it.  I don't get hyper or anything...) and I just don't feel sick.  I feel exhausted afterward, and practically drop, but it's at least a few hours a day that I don't have to focus on how tired I am.  But really, I am not that incredibly more tired than how I would normally be during allergy season, so I can't really complain much.  (unless I complain about allergies.  I think I will.  They suck and I hate them.  They make me feel crappy.  OK, I'm done...)

I was preparing the lesson plans for my next Biology Unit, and came across something interesting: about 1/3 of the questions from the next unit deal with cancer.  Really!!??  I have to teach about cancer?!?  I've already sorta (informally) decided that I might have to just create super awesome lesson plans, condense all the cancer into 1 days teaching, and then be mysteriously sick.  I honestly don't know if I could be all talking about it and just be cool and casual.  I don't think I'm quite that strong.  I really don't think my work would blame me.  I just need to leave really good instructions.  On the other hand, it might be interesting to learn a little more about it...

Well, to top it off, I went in to get fluids today.  I have been going on my off Wednesdays, and I've noticed it doing wonders for my energy.  Also, I keep seeing the same people there, since we all have the same "usual" day (ie: Wednesday).  It's starting to be a big party every week.  A weird party... but a party.  Ha!  So, that's about all for now!