Thursday, March 24, 2011

Yes, Chemo has commenced

 So, I went in yesterday feeling pretty crummy.  I had dreams all night that I couldn't get chemo because I had a stomach virus.  I was probably just feeling nauseous in my sleep and it translated over to my dreams. As gung ho as I was about wanting to get it done, I actually felt OK if I didn't get it yesterday, just because I felt so ick.  They took my blood and the numbers came back and I was still 5 points below the cutoff for platelets.  However, Dr. Le said that they could do a little compromise and cut one of my drugs (oxylaplatin? I have no idea how to spell that...) down to 75% of the normal dose.  This is the drug that really takes a toll on me and has been the cause of most of the problems associated with the chemo so far.  

John and I were asking the Dr. how necessary these last two sessions were.  Really?  10? 12?  What's the difference.  My body just can't take this anymore.  She said that usually she started taking down the oxylaplatin usually on round 9 (two rounds ago) but she hadn't done it with me because she wanted to be aggressive as possible, and because I'm so young.  I think they just kinda wait for you to cry uncle, and then taper accordingly.  UNCLE!!!  UNCLE!!!  My cries were heard, and I'm going through round 11, looking forward to round 12 being the LAST!!!!  There's a possibility of cutting out the oxylaplatin completely the last round.  That would rock.  That would make a very happy Hillary.  

So, that's the news for now.  I'm hooked up, and feeling icky and sore, but not as bad as when I have the full dose.  The real test will be the next couple of weeks.  That's when I really bore the worst of it last time.  All I can do is wait...  

 "26 it is good to wait quietly 
   for the salvation of the LORD. 27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
   while he is young."... 
31For no one is cast off
   by the Lord forever. 
32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
   so great is his unfailing love. 
33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
   or grief to anyone.

Lamentations 3:26-27;31-33

Monday, March 21, 2011

Good and bad news

I know I haven't posted in a while.  But I have a good reason!  I really don't like to post unless I can say something positive.  And honestly, these last few weeks I couldn't.  When does posting about feeling like crap go from "informative" to just making people wallow with you in your misery?  There really is no point.  So, the good news, is that I'm feeling OK for the first time in WEEKS!  I guess the other good news, if you choose to look at it this way, is that God believes in me and thinks I'm WAY stronger than I do.  They say God won't give you more than you can handle, and I do not feel like I can handle anymore.  Yet, here I am!  So... I guess thank you God for thinking so... highly of me?  haha!

So, the bad news is that my numbers aren't up.  I was going to try and switch my chemo to today (monday) because I feel like this last round was so bad that I just want to get it friggin' OVER with.  I feel like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop and squash me and I'm like "Just SQUASH me already!"  This waiting for it is insanity inducing.  As it is, I couldn't have done it today even if they could have fitted me in.  My hemoglobin has only gone up by like .1 or .2.  This is even after they gave me the "miracle" shot that last time made my blood jump 2 pints in a day and a half.  This one has had a week and it's only gone up by the aforementioned (miniscule) amount.  I've had a lot of abdominal pain these last few weeks and there is a large part of me that feels strongly that I'm bleeding somewhere.  It may be a slow bleed, maybe not even enough to show up in the stool.  But all I know is that I've been hurting, and my blood is not replenishing, so do the math...  Of course, that is mere speculation at this point.  Even though my blood level is low, it is still "technically" high enough to get the chemo.  It's my platelets (those durn' platelets!!!) that are still low.  We knew for a fact last week that they were low because I couldn't stop bleeding from the little pin prick I got getting fluids.  Usually it's just a tiny spot of blood.  Last Wednesday, it soaked through 4 layers of gauze AND my sweater!  Not a good sign... At least today, it was still only a pinprick of blood.  However, the platelets are still at 62 (norm = 140-400).  The very minimum I need is 80.  This is the exact same thing that made us have to postpone last time.  I do NOT want to postpone again!!  Getter' dun!!!  That's what I want.  John and I are going to have a serious talk with Dr. Le about how "necessary" these last two sessions really are, because I feel like my body can't take anymore.  We'll see how that conversation goes... We'll be in to see her on Wednesday and hopefully get chemo.  I'll keep you updated on if that actually happens or not.

As for blood though, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.  BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!"  Haha!  (Just a little hospital humor for you there folks.)