Thursday, December 16, 2010

Not bouncing back

So, this is the first time that I have really, really not bounced back after chemo.  I'm doing what I normally do: taking my vitamins, getting lots of rest... But it is not working.  I don't know if my body is just getting weaker, or if it is this sorta cold thing that I maybe got from John.  It doesn't seem like a full blown cold.  It's just sorta a stuffy, sniffly ick that is hovering on the brink of actual illness.  Translation: I feel pretty crappy, but not crappy enough for my body to give me a break and just let me sleep it off.  I can't nap, and if I do, then I can't sleep at night (like last night).  And I can't do anything else, because I feel like I'm about to get really sick at any moment.  Is this normal?  Is this the normal progression from being on chemo?  I feel really lucky so far.  I haven't had a very bad time with it at all, so I guess it's high time I  started to plummet.  I'm just wondering if it is just going to keep going down from here on.  I supposed this is just fruitless speculation.  My body's going to do what it's going to do...  All things considered, I'm doing waaaaaay better than we had originally thought I would.

I have a friend of mine, Abby, taking me to a cancer support new members meeting tonight.  It is formally "Gilda's Club" (as in Gilda Radner) but is now called "Cancer Support  Centers of America" I think.  Apparently they are really good, and have a lot of great, free support services.  I guess if nothing else, I can ask people about what "normal" is.  Part of me feels that twinge of pride that says "I don't need any more "support".  I've got plenty of support!  "Support groups" are for for people who don't have any real friends, or family around".  My suspicion is that I will eat my words in the future.  We will see.  Sometimes you don't realize what you need enough to verbalize it.  I suppose it couldn't hurt.  After 2-3 people recommending I find one, (a support group), I suppose I'll give all the 3rd party observers a little credit for maybe seeing something in me that I don't.  Although, I suppose I am seeing it a bit right now.  I am pretty disheartened at how weak I feel.  I've been expecting it, but it is still a bit depressing actually feeling it.  I'll let you know how it goes.

On the pleasant side, after I get done with the meeting tonight, my upstairs neighbor (Tara) is cooking and we're going to have dinner together:)  John is finishing up with his last class of the semester, so he'll probably be up at TCC till midnight grading, and then he'll be done for the semester!  Lula is the greatest little cat ever.  God brought her at the exact perfect time.  Here she is, playing in a gift bag that we had already opened.  (It's the little things, am I right?!?!) The random "voice over" is John telling me about how some company is sending him ads for $1000 dollar watches, and we are laughing at how wrong, wrong, wrong they got their "target audience".  (ie: us)  It has nothing to do with Lula, but he didn't know I was filming, so it's on there:)

P.S. after viewing my video here, I am reminded to always shoot horizontally.  HORIZONTALLY moron!  Enjoy my tall skinny video!

P.P.S. Although, in my defense, I am posting a VIDEO!  I'm feeling pretty friggin' technologically saavy right now:)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

This round was a little rougher

Well, I am now back home at the apartment.  I stayed at my parents house a few days longer than usual.  (I have to give a shout out to Melanie Newton who picked me up from chemo and stayed with me the rest of the day at my parents house till they got home.) The chemo hit me a bit harder this round than past rounds.  I was in bed pretty much all of Friday and all of Saturday.  Still though, no nausea!!!  (or at least not much)  So there are NO complaints on this end!  I  can handle all the lethargy you can throw at me.  Just don't give me the nausea, and we're good. 

I was at lunch with John and my parents today.  Towards the end, my hands did their cramp thing, which made me laugh (because they look so ridiculous!) and Mom joined in the fun and started doing "the claw" at me, because they kinda look like that.  (For those of you who have seen "Liar, Liar")  Thanks Mom for mocking my pain:) Later, when I was on my bed, my foot did a really awesome cramp, and made the toes on my right foot give the "live long and prosper" star-trek symbol.  It was fantastic.  I could have never done that on purpose.  I really do have to take those pills like clockwork 3 times a day, or else my body starts doing all sorts of party tricks. 

I'm planning on taking this week sorta easy.  I feel better, but I still feel a little wiped out.  Thank you Lord that I have time, and the ability, and permission and the means to rest! Pretty much anything that I consider hard/difficult in my life, I always remind myself that there are single moms out there doing the same thing, and it blows my mind and reminds me of how "easy" I have it.