Not quite famous...

John and I got interviewed at the TCU Rose Bowl watching party by the channel 33 news.  I look a little bedraggled, but it's me (and John)!  The very last 20 seconds or so:)

It isn't embedding for some reason, so here's a link to it. 

http://www.the33tv.com/videobeta/?watchId=5470dd4d-f300-459f-af79-48fe1449081f

So sorry it's been so long!!!

Wow.  When was my last post??  It's been... well I don't know if I can even call it busy or full... couple of weeks.  Much of my time since my last post has been exactly how the last post sounded: I was not "bouncing back".  But I'll talk about that in a bit.  I'll share first about good things, like my Christmas and New Years!

One of my favorite people, my uncle Graham, flew down to be with us for Christmas and it was epic:)  This Christmas was the first time John and I have actually BEEN with people.  Usually, as per Morgan family tradition, Thanksgiving is Morgan time and Christmas is all the various in-law's time.  However, my "in-laws" (John's family) all work on Christmas.  (They are so awesome.  My mother-in-law is a nurse, and she chooses to work all the major holidays to give the younger staff with young children a chance to be with their families.  Isn't she awesome?) So John and I usually fly to South Carolina just after Christmas.  Well, since I can't travel this year, Mom and Dad decided to not travel to Colorado to be with my sister and her boys.  I feel very loved.  Ergo, John's and my FIRST Christmas not alone!  I was able to delay chemo during the Christmas week, and pick it back up on Monday.  (this last monday)

I have been up and down.  I have definitely had a lot more exhaustion than in previous times, and unfortunately some nausea (but not really bad nausea.  A very manageable amount of nausea.).  A lady sitting across from me at chemo this week said that during her first trip through chemotherapy (this is her second time through), was like "a walk in the park" for the first half, and then BOOM!  Somewhere around the 6th round it nailed her.  So, it seems I'm somewhat par for the course:)  Another lady I talked to weeks ago had had a horrible time the whole way through and just wanted to positively die from nausea (until she discovered acupuncture).  So, I know my journey has been a very blessed one!

Yesterday, new year's eve (am I supposed to capitalize that?) I made sure to take lots of naps, and take my vitamins late in the day, in an attempt to make sure that I could stay up till midnight and be somewhat energetic doing so.  So, when I got there, I also had a coke, to help ensure it.  BOY DID IT EVER!  Yup.  I was awake till midnight!  And 1... and 2... all the way till 5 in the morning!  (I was not OUT till 5, I was just awake till 5.  I got home at a very respectable time for new years eve standards).  A bunch of friends and I had a small little shin-dig at a friends house.  It was awesome.  It was lovely to be with a bunch of people that I know and loved, and not a bunch of strangers hoping to not go home alone.  Ewwww.... We ate, we played games, we danced, we made s'mores!  It was wonderful.  Here's a pic of some of my favorite girls (minus Jenise of course, who is in Michigan.  Damn Yankee...)

While I'm at it, I'll add some pics of the tacky sweater party John and I went to at our church.  Warning: some images will be very disturbing! (namely the ones of John)

Well, I need to go cheer on my Frogs in the Rose Bowl, but I'll post more later!

Not bouncing back

So, this is the first time that I have really, really not bounced back after chemo.  I'm doing what I normally do: taking my vitamins, getting lots of rest... But it is not working.  I don't know if my body is just getting weaker, or if it is this sorta cold thing that I maybe got from John.  It doesn't seem like a full blown cold.  It's just sorta a stuffy, sniffly ick that is hovering on the brink of actual illness.  Translation: I feel pretty crappy, but not crappy enough for my body to give me a break and just let me sleep it off.  I can't nap, and if I do, then I can't sleep at night (like last night).  And I can't do anything else, because I feel like I'm about to get really sick at any moment.  Is this normal?  Is this the normal progression from being on chemo?  I feel really lucky so far.  I haven't had a very bad time with it at all, so I guess it's high time I  started to plummet.  I'm just wondering if it is just going to keep going down from here on.  I supposed this is just fruitless speculation.  My body's going to do what it's going to do...  All things considered, I'm doing waaaaaay better than we had originally thought I would.

I have a friend of mine, Abby, taking me to a cancer support new members meeting tonight.  It is formally "Gilda's Club" (as in Gilda Radner) but is now called "Cancer Support  Centers of America" I think.  Apparently they are really good, and have a lot of great, free support services.  I guess if nothing else, I can ask people about what "normal" is.  Part of me feels that twinge of pride that says "I don't need any more "support".  I've got plenty of support!  "Support groups" are for for people who don't have any real friends, or family around".  My suspicion is that I will eat my words in the future.  We will see.  Sometimes you don't realize what you need enough to verbalize it.  I suppose it couldn't hurt.  After 2-3 people recommending I find one, (a support group), I suppose I'll give all the 3rd party observers a little credit for maybe seeing something in me that I don't.  Although, I suppose I am seeing it a bit right now.  I am pretty disheartened at how weak I feel.  I've been expecting it, but it is still a bit depressing actually feeling it.  I'll let you know how it goes.

On the pleasant side, after I get done with the meeting tonight, my upstairs neighbor (Tara) is cooking and we're going to have dinner together:)  John is finishing up with his last class of the semester, so he'll probably be up at TCC till midnight grading, and then he'll be done for the semester!  Lula is the greatest little cat ever.  God brought her at the exact perfect time.  Here she is, playing in a gift bag that we had already opened.  (It's the little things, am I right?!?!) The random "voice over" is John telling me about how some company is sending him ads for $1000 dollar watches, and we are laughing at how wrong, wrong, wrong they got their "target audience".  (ie: us)  It has nothing to do with Lula, but he didn't know I was filming, so it's on there:)

P.S. after viewing my video here, I am reminded to always shoot horizontally.  HORIZONTALLY moron!  Enjoy my tall skinny video!

P.P.S. Although, in my defense, I am posting a VIDEO!  I'm feeling pretty friggin' technologically saavy right now:)

This round was a little rougher

Well, I am now back home at the apartment.  I stayed at my parents house a few days longer than usual.  (I have to give a shout out to Melanie Newton who picked me up from chemo and stayed with me the rest of the day at my parents house till they got home.) The chemo hit me a bit harder this round than past rounds.  I was in bed pretty much all of Friday and all of Saturday.  Still though, no nausea!!!  (or at least not much)  So there are NO complaints on this end!  I  can handle all the lethargy you can throw at me.  Just don't give me the nausea, and we're good. 

I was at lunch with John and my parents today.  Towards the end, my hands did their cramp thing, which made me laugh (because they look so ridiculous!) and Mom joined in the fun and started doing "the claw" at me, because they kinda look like that.  (For those of you who have seen "Liar, Liar")  Thanks Mom for mocking my pain:) Later, when I was on my bed, my foot did a really awesome cramp, and made the toes on my right foot give the "live long and prosper" star-trek symbol.  It was fantastic.  I could have never done that on purpose.  I really do have to take those pills like clockwork 3 times a day, or else my body starts doing all sorts of party tricks. 

I'm planning on taking this week sorta easy.  I feel better, but I still feel a little wiped out.  Thank you Lord that I have time, and the ability, and permission and the means to rest! Pretty much anything that I consider hard/difficult in my life, I always remind myself that there are single moms out there doing the same thing, and it blows my mind and reminds me of how "easy" I have it. 

A raindown of blessings!

Well, it's been a very eventful week.  So, here are more of the details.  Like I said, the PET scan came up clear.  I feel so relieved.  I feel like I can sorta sit back for the rest of chemo and believe that anything else weird that I'm feeling really is just side effects of the chemo.  If it were still growing during the chemo, it would've showed up I think by now.  So, alllll is well.

The second good thing was that a huge burst cyst showed up.  Apparently it was too soon to show up in the CAT scan when I taken into the emergency room a few weeks ago.  I was really weirded out when they had "concluded" that it was just a side effect of the chemo.  I was terrified to go into chemo this week out of fear that it would happen again.  But, not only was it a burst cyst, but a really big one.  According to all the nurses, burst cysts are known to hurt like a... well I won't use the word that they used:)  Anyway, I feel a bit validated.  They are sending me to a ob-gen, to check it out and make sure there aren't more.  If there are, there really isn't anything they can do about it.  I'll just know that if it happens again, I won't have to freak out and think that I'm dying.

So, those were two blessings.  The second thing is in regards to finances.  I have heard of stuff like this happening to other people, but I haven't ever experienced it myself.  So, here goes: On Saturday night John and I rolled down the window of the PT and when we tried to roll it back up, it wouldn't go.  John took it into the shop, and it was going to cost about 300 bucks to get it repaired, because the part was so expensive.  The next day, the check engine light came on in the Honda.  John called to tell me that it was a bunch of repairs that were needed every 90,000 miles or so.  It was going to cost about 1,000 bucks.  This was going to be a pretty big hit for us, especially with me not working.  It wasn't going to totally tank us, but it was going to be a burden, especially around Christmas.  Anyways, here's where it gets pretty cool.  John gave two lectures at a recent conference, each of which paid about $90.  The school decided to match what he got.  So, that brought in an extra $360.  THEN!!!  John just called me today to tell me that he had gotten another "gift" from the school: $1000!!!  It was a $1,000 benevolence check.  It is amazing.  It covers the cost of all the car stuff practically down to the dollar. I've only heard of this kind of stuff happening to other people, but not us.  God really provided for us.  He is not giving us more than our "daily bread", but he IS giving us our daily bread.  Whenever we have some extra cost pop up, suddenly we get random money from somewhere.  I feel grace upon grace being showered upon us in this time.

So, that's the awesome news for now! 

Quick update: double yay!

I just got back from the hospital and from chemo for today.  I want to go lay down.  BUT before I do, I'll give you super duper quick overview of how awesome the appointment was today!  Double good news: 1) The PET scan was clear!!  No malignancies! 2) There was a friggin' huge ruptured ovarian cyst.  That was their original thought, and then they went to "Naw, it's just a side effect of the chemo" to which i said "Oh great, so this will probably happen again...".  But NO!!  Huge cyst.  Big rupture.  Lots of pain.  But probably not going to happen again!  Yay!!  I'll go into more details a bit later.  Right now, I have a bed calling my name.

Such a nice break!

I was making plans with John for this weekend to put up all the Christmas decorations.  He got them all out this last weekend, but I was feeling pretty poopy for much of it.  (I eventually had to just give myself sleeping pills on Sunday to knock myself out.  It worked.  I slept all day and all night and I feel much better.)  It was so funny though, because after we had made all these plans, about a couple of hours later I started laughing because I remembered "I've got chemo this week!"  The funny part wasn't the fact that I remembered I had chemo THIS week.  The funny part was that I had forgotten I had chemo ever.  I looked at John and said "I don't know what I was thinking, duh, I won't be able to do the Christmas stuff with you this weekend!"  He looked at me confused and was finally like "Uh... why?"  And I was all "Um... I've got cancer?"  He busted out laughing and said "Ohhhh yeeaahhh...".  All this to say, we have gotten pretty spoiled by this 3 week break.  It probably helps that I have tons of energy right now.  Really?!?!  My body had to wait till almost midnight to get a ton of energy?!?  Where was it all this weekend, huh?  Stupid body...

Anyways, it was nice to have a break from all drama, even if it was only in mind and for a few hours:)  (and John's too)  And just to think!!  I'll have a 3 week break after this one too!  Then back to the grind... (the grind as in every other week again)