Old journals

We moved to an awesome townhome a few weeks ago. So excited! Since it is about 350-400 square feet bigger, we brought all our stuff over from storage to sort through what to keep, what to get rid of, and then what to re-put in storage. Through this process, I found a whole load of my old journals. When I was around 11 or 12, I learned that I I had trouble praying and either 1) holding my train of thought, or 2) staying awake. So I began to write down my prayers, because it helped me stay alert. I've done it ever since. I've gotten really bad at doing it since I've been married, because all the stuff I used to pour out in the journal, I discuss with John. I've tried to get back to writing. Especially after seeing the stuff I was writing. It was so beautiful how simple and child-like the stuff was when I was younger. (Because I was, duh, a child) But there is something beautiful about a child's words, before they know how to censor and try to sound all spiritual.

Another thing I stumbled upon was a journal of a few of the songs I tried to write during my brief attempt at songwriting. Even though I am not very good at it, I really liked the words. They are very quintessential teen angst:) I'll share them here. I want to put them down somewhere before I stuff this journal back in storage.

Dance in the Storm
I feel as the rain pounds on me
Splashing me back to your throne
I step back and trip on the Bible
As if that were my stumbling stone

My bittersweet tears taste salty
Streaming up from the blackest of hearts
On the outside I look put together
On the inside I'm tearing apart

Where do I go from here? I'm blinded by the rain
But I know I can no longer endure this pain.

So I'll dance in the storm
God you are the tempest
I breath in your love, I breath in your love
I'll dance in the storm
God you're in the fury
I give you control
God please... purify me

I feel as the raindrops grasp me
Your fingers of love reaching down
Trying to heal my spirit
If only I'd just turn around

From trying to do it my way
Standing in this hole I thought was a stage
The higher I thought I was getting
The lower I sunk in the grave

Where do I go from here?
I'm broken by the rain
God I know you can
Cast off my shackles and chains

So I'll dance in the storm
God you are the tempest
I breath in your love, I breath in your love
I'll dance in the storm
God you're in the fury
I give you control
God please... purify me

The water penetrates my mind
Flushing out the tangled debris
of the sin clouding my mind and my judgement
blessed water has set me free

Now I know right here
This was all a gift from you
So I'll show the world
By what I do

I will dance in the storm
God you are the tempest
I breath in your love, I breath in your love
I'll dance in the storm
God you're in the fury
I give you control
God please... purify me