Thank you

To all of you who prayed for me after I expressed on Sunday that my port was hurting pretty bad, I thank you.  I felt your prayers.  I was really uncomfortable and unable to move my arm on Sunday.  I put out the word, and Monday I woke up, and suddenly could move my arm!  It was still a little uncomfortable, but it healed more overnight than it had the previous 4 days combined!

In more ways than that, I feel very blessed.  My family is so amazing in how they have all rallied around me to let me know that I am not alone, and will not have to go through this alone.  My church has offered food, house cleaning, rides, anything I or John might need throughout all of this.  I have friends that have offered me their blood.  Their blood!  I have received so much support from people I don't even know, and I want you to know that every email, every voicemail, comment on facebook or here, it makes me smile and it makes me feel very loved and supported.  My head is still swimming, so I rarely even get to respond to them, but they are received and I tuck them away inside for the bad days when I feel awful.

I do though; I feel blessed.  I feel blessed that even though the cancer was so much bigger than a regular adenocarcinoma, it hadn't spread yet.  I feel blessed because my work is so willing to rearrange schedule after schedule to accommodate me and my health.  I feel blessed that, although the "power port" was not fun to install, it will keep me from having to get IV's every week.  And lastly, and least importantly I feel blessed that the lady at CVS gave me the least painful (flu) shot that I have ever had in my life.  In and out, no pain.  Ha!  It really is the little things (and I was just really tired of being stuck, so it was a stupid little blessing, but a huge blessing at the same time).

It's funny how sometimes it takes a really sucky situation to make you more thankful than you were before.  Even before all this happened, that is one area that I knew I needed to improve on.  (just ask John!)  I am by nature a problem solver, which can be a great thing.  The unseen evil that goes along with that is that you see every little problem.  (After all, how could a problem solver fix problems unless they can see them?) It is nice to have something big that eclipses all the other little annoyances for a change.  So that is already one thing I feel like I will be taking away from this.  Again though, as I've told many of you, I expect that my attitude will completely change once chemo starts and I feel like vomiting constantly.  But that is where the rubber meets the road I guess.  These few weeks before chemo, these are the "learning lesson" times.  The days after chemo, those are the "practicing the lesson" times.  Ewwww.  Not fun.  Necessary, but not fun.  I apologize in advance.  Please remember me like this when I becoming the sniveling whiney machine.